dentist

I had to go to the dentist and my wife says have a good time.
MMMMM good time at the dentist!
Well I decides I will. I'm sitting in the waiting room and one bloke looks real scared so I says out loud that's a good sign! The bloke says whats a good sign? I says no one is screaming The receptionist smiles. My mind turns to mischief. Then this patient comes out and hubby asks what they did and she says that they just looked and she would have to come back to have it out.I pipes up and said if he holds her down I would pull it.Hold her down be buggered Ill just knock her out and he smiles. His wife frowned and the receptionist smiles again. Then its my turn so in I goes and the dentist is a pretty young lady. Yes she says I will have to fill that tooth and it is a big filling so I says OK and she has to do it without anesthetic as it is cheaper. She thinks Im joking and I says Im not.She is reluctant and we start she hit a nerve and I jumps and after doing this several times says its torture and would I like a needle and I says no cause it dont hurt that much. She says it not torture on me but it is on her could she give me the needle. No It was the best visit to a dentist I have ever had..By the way she did a good job.....

radio

Years ago in one of those bad times,  and lonely I hit the turps with amazing results.  The blues left me and reality disappeared for a short time.  It was one of those truly memorable moments that you get on Minties.  Or the Aeroplane jelly smiles and songs.  Then it was like Vegemite rosey cheeks with a headache to boot.  Well getting back to the story,  What was the story?  O yes,  I was drunk and on the radio they had Love Song Dedication hour.  So I thought why not,  Ring in with my request I thinks and then I does....  .Then the announcer answers the phone and asks which song I would like to hear,  I thinks on me feet and being just after Christmas,  I tells him that my mate has left me and I want's him back and he wont come back.   I tells the guy I am dressed in a red suit and all the regalia.  He thinks I'm gay,  and I thinks I might have been a bit gay cause I'm a bit happy....I asks for me song,   and he says which song do I want,   so I tells him.   Rudolf the red nose reindeer, and the bloke says you are drunk!!! and I says a bit smiling to me self.   Well strike me down, rip me shirt up the bloke hangs up,  and he don't play me Love Song Dedication song.  So I falls back into loneliness again and calls lifeline and they listen to me. Good people those Life line people.  By this time I'm really wracked out and they asks where I live.  So I tells them.  Next there is a knock on the phriggen door so I says to this joker that I have to answer the door and he says OK he'll wait.  I opens the door and in bolls these bloody big coppers and they slams me to the floor and hangs up the phone and carts me away to the funny farm...

I decides then never again to ring a radio station again cause of what they did to me..

bullys

Talk about bully's I served my time under a bully at primary school at Bulli public school. It wasn't a pupil it was the teacher in fifth class and his name was gardener, I spelt his name with a small g cause he doesn't deserve a capital. He was cruel not only to me but to others as well. He belted me every day every day with out fail, I have dyslexia and was a target by this so called man. He threw threepence on the floor and he would beat every one who went to get them, remember I was poor in money terms I may have told this story before but was reminded of this by the TV tonight. There is nothing new except that the violence is greater. When you have footballers carrying on like idiots in there drunken stupors,what do you expect. They are great mentors for our young ones.

tomtom

Cannot contact TOMTOM Fatal error was the reply Fatal customer relations,  never again will I need them, never again.

Pens

 Where do all the pens go? I think my house eats them and eats the right scocks cause they all disappear.. Do other people have the same problem do they grow legs and walk away. Pens! When I was Driving trucks pens seamed to get into the cab every where. They materilised from nowhere Even found them in the engine compartment. But now when I  am not driving they dissapear to only knows where. Pens! and socks, I think they are modern day stowaways. But socks where do they go? Never found them in the cab of the truck where do they go? this must be one of those scientific misteries, does any one out there in computer land know? Socks!